Memories; those days...

Friday, October 8, 2010

This lappie is kinda stupid!can't move to center like always...haizzzzzzzzz....

Now,i really dunno what should i say actually...
1st college?hahahahaha!!!forget it la!just forget it about further studies...
dun wanna think of this anymore...maybe it's really a FATE!!!

when my mum was young,she actually a clever person and she have 8 siblings.everyone waiting for food and not enough money to feed them because of that my mum know how grandma suffering from working ..she decided to help my granma when she was year 3 in primary but then when she grown up ...everybody underestimate her even after married ,most of my father side family member underestimate her too..

so she always taught us education is very important ,u must study till degree no matter what..just dun let anyone underestimate u all..mum have a bad experience so dun wanna us repeat the same mistake.my mum stupid so they said the daughters and son also same like mum!after my brother graduate they SHUT!my brother is the 1st in family graduate in degree ...I'm here not to underestimate them..the reason why i wanna study college and everything is because i dun wan anybody to underestimate me and my mum...

now dad not feeling well...how can i left my dad here and continue study if I'm gonna stay outside?...(ignored the person that said wanted to help me)If i choose to study,who gonna cook for my dad?if he fall down?nobody knows...big responsible...working is way better than study...at least mum and i can look after him...If anything happened on my ....... then i think i will not forgive myself...i thought he's okay but he suddenly not that active and sleep the whole day and 1 day eat once only...like the 1st time he went for chemo...

I am in this situation,is hard for me to choose...whether i wan my life to be more luxury or my family...i dun wanna regret if i lose something when I'm not spending my time with...i just dun wanna REGRET!!!
I dun want anybody to underestimate me either ...
the most thing i fear is my future husband gonna divorce with me ...
yes,if i have my degree i have better pay check and no need count on my future husband...
relationship is very important in my life...when i born into earth,my parents busy working,searching for money,just for us to have a good life...left me with my granma..but what i want is caring and love!

sincerely,I'm lacking of parents love,so i told myself to find a bf that can take care of me and give me all his love and express it...i just need a person loved me fully like a pampered kid,even I'm not kid anymore but i wanna be a pampered gf...i guess this is a very hard request that i can achieve in my life...of course i need to love him as well...without my love i dun think i will accept him and spend my whole life with a person that i dun love...i just can't accept that...when i found then over again...people said they rather receive more than giving..i just can't do that...
being brain wash by someone and made a mistake = over!after found out,wanted to explain but i dunno it is acceptable or not?hate me?blur,what are we now?i dunno...haizzzzzzz.....

why my life become so complicated?why i can't live with a normal life?very fan!people love to brain wash then they laughing behind to see u sad...bian tai !!!is it fate??i can't continue my study because of fate?no fate with degree?my education line split to 2 line and very very the short...why these few years is all about healthy problem?parents suffering for 4 years?mum suffering from seeing dad unhealthy for few years and problem come again and again,i can feel her heart painfully even she acted nothing...

A thousand words i can't express,is all written here..I'm not a good story teller...i will break down..crying baby telling story...lol...im not a tough girl either ...easily fall...

Updated@10:20 AM